Curious Georgi

April 9, 2013

A Deeper Way To Encourage Your Husband

My husbands love language is words of affirmation. Which means, what I do say matters, and what I don’t say also matters.

For someone who throws around words in an emotional state, this can be pretty toxic and unproductive. I may or may not be known to say extreme words like “never” and “always” even if, in fact, it’s just been a few times. That’s just me vacillating, but that’s a whole other book I need to tell you about.

What I wanted to share today is about a little truth God dropped in my heart a few weeks ago when I pulled up in my driveway. I guess it’s taken me over 30 days to get from my head to the keyboard— but I suppose for every non-blog-post written was a sink of dishes washed or a stack of homeschool papers finished. I could probably sum up my busy March and April with one word.

Baseball.

So…I thought to myself…Okay, start telling Charles all the things you’re thankful for about him, tell him what he’s good at, and what he’s done well lately. While I think those are effective and do work. I think there’s a deeper calling as a wife in the area of words of affirmation.

Speaking spiritual truth over my husband for WHO he is, not WHAT he has done.

The difference between an unconditional acknowledgment when I’ve see an element in his heart, or a conditional compliment on a accomplishment I’ve seen him preform.

One will send him on his face before the Lord, “make more more like that Lord”, and the other will keep his mouse wheel spinning…hungry for another praise. Example…

Charles, I see your generous heart. You love to give. You’re so good at giving away and not holding back. You really please the Lord’s heart with your willingness to give. Charles, I see your love for your boys. You really listen, hold, and play with them. They are blessed to have you as their dad. I can tell you really want to impart God’s truth and love into their hearts.

I recognized and acknowledged God’s call on my husband to give, and his deep desire to have The Father’s heart for his sons.

Verses…That was nice of you to give money to them, way to go. Or, You’re a great dad, thanks for playing with them.

See the difference? Both are grateful and complimentary, but one truly speaks to elements God has placed in their hearts and the callings and gifting in them. It draws out what God has put in their depths and spurs them onto more. Not just rewarding them with a cookie for a trick well done.

Husbands need encouragement, and if it’s based only on performance they can easily become discouraged because they do fail. But, at all times, we can encourage our husbands on who they are even if what they are doing isn’t wowing us. That glimmer of calling is always reflecting, even if it’s not blinding us. Find the glimmer, magnify it.

Try it.

Look for specific ways God has gifted your husband. Beautiful glimpses you’ve seen in his heart. When you see it in action—even a little bit—encourage him in The Lord.

Filed Under: charles, marriage

Giving Yourself Credit

Being 18 days away from Spring and all, I thought my abandoned-for-the-last-month-blog could use a little bloom. I mean, what mom of three young boys doesn’t just love the constant cold and wet days of winter? {sarcasm}

Something simmering in my mind over the last month as been how poorly I view my performance most days.

This isn’t a long, ginormious insightful post, but I hope you see the tiny bloom of insight I share here in the winter of your days. If you wrote down every single thing you did all day, instead of only staring at the things you didn’t, you’d give yourself a lot more credit.

I wake up with a ridiculously unrealistic mental list of important things to do. Seek Jesus, and do my very best all day to lovingly attend to the hubs & kiddos while crossing things off. Laying my head on the pillow at night, I exhale with a few groans all the [seemingly] giant things I didn’t get finished.

All the while, never really giving myself credit for the things I did get finished.

If every kiss, hug, smile, “attaboy” was recorded.

If every comfort, cheer, praise, challenge was recorded.

If every prayer whispered, scripture confessed and discipline given was recorded.

You’d see a list of a lot of wonderful ways you accomplished things that day.

If days weren’t valued by loads of laundry put away, and dishes dried or meals cooked. But whose value was found in the monopoly money of playdoh played, crayons colored, and paint splashed with little persons given straight to you from our big God. You’d feel more accomplished.

Not in the wiping, straightening, rinsing, and folding, but in the hand in hand and eye to eye connection.

“I see you running soo fast”

“I see you jumping soo high”

“I see you helping your brother”

I see you.

I promise you our God’s pleasure is rooted in seeing your children and not just serving them. Although important [they have to eat right?] we shouldn’t give ourselves such a hard time when things to-do remain. Because the truth is every day will bring dishes, laundry, dirt on the floor, and toys scattered. But you only have today to see him jump that high—in that very moment. You only have today to tickle her toes at 151 days old. He has a story he wants to tell you about right now.

Write that down.

1. Listened to his story of driving on the moon

You can’t cross it off a list, because you didn’t know it was needed or would happen that day. That is the joy and excitement each child brings each day to us. Something we will do, that we had not planned on.

2. Lingered longer at the changing table cooing back at her

Give yourself a little more credit for all the things you do all day, and give yourself a break for what remains, for it always will.

Filed Under: motherhood, struggle

5 Comments

February 9, 2013

Q&A Giving Another Mother Advice

You asked:

“How do you give other mothers advice…are you frustrated when they don’t take it?”

1-Advice Without Permission

I don’t pretend to be relaying this correctly, but I hear a lot of my friends who attend a local church here say it. Essentially, first and foremost, always strive to make sure that your advice was requested first. Rebuke is biblical, but we aren’t talking about sin here, we’re talking about should they or shouldn’t they do such and such with their babies/toddlers/kids, etc. The difference between back sleeping or no back sleeping or homemade babyfood or store bought is important, but isn’t necessarily eternally significant. Thus, if someone seems to be struggling or parenting foolishly [to you]…

-pray that God would allow an opportunity to speak into their lives if it’s His will

-ask them “would you like some advice on this?” if you sense no, or they say no, wait & keep praying

2-Plank Humbly

No, I’m not suggesting that you lay across two chairs with humility. I’m suggesting you heed this biblical warning…

“Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?” -Matthew 7:3

By nature, I think it’s easier to see the flaws in others [and their children] verses ourselves and our own families. We don’t necessarily notice that our child is a picky eater, but we sure notice their child doesn’t seem to sleep enough. I think we need to walk in humility, and make sure that our advice comes out of a place of love for the other mother, and her child, and not out of a place of policing other people and their failures. Personally, I struggle with this, and have to have God help me not judge them in my heart, as well as keep my mouth shut if I don’t have anything to say in love.

3-Sharpen, Refresh, Ignore

To recap, if you have permission to give advice & you feel like it’s coming out of a non-judgemental place then share with love. Remembering that we truly do have God-given-individual wisdom, encouragement, talents, and insights to share with others. Us moms, we need each other. I can’t begin to explain the value of the wisdom I’ve learned from other mothers.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” -Proverbs 27:17

Share what has worked for you to hopefully bring a solution to their dilemma. Tip: I usually follow up all my advice with “it works for me, but it may not for you, every family is different” I think this is a safe disclaimer. More than likely they are already feeling overwhelmed and insecure so don’t add to it with your condemning “help”. Just because you notice something they do wrong, doesn’t mean it’s God’s timing to share with them. Be spirit-led. Water them as you share.

“…whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” -Proverbs 11:25

When you share, prepare yourself, that it’s likely they will completely ignore your advice and continue doing the same old thing [producing the same old results] and continue to complain as if they know no better. This happens. You’ve probably be on both ends of this too. Some people really just like to complain and don’t really want to change. For others, it takes time to “try” your advice. And sometimes your advice just works for your family, but not theirs.

Be okay with that.

Our charge isn’t to fix other moms and their problems, our charge is to encourage one another in the faith. If they asked, you answered, and they either don’t like it or never used it, you still did the right thing. As far as Jesus is concerned, mission accomplished on your end. You don’t have control over what they do with the wisdom you give them. It’s up to you if you continue to give them advice or not. All you can do is pray for them and know their complaints hold little weight, as they are unwilling to change or try anything.

4-Just Wait

Pretend with me. You have your first child and they just so happen to sleep, eat, and play with others perfectly. You pat yourself on the back and shake your heads at all the other moms obviously struggling so hard with theirs. “Why don’t they just do what I do?” “They must be doing something wrong” “Gosh, my kid never did that”. Then, you have a second child…

Suddenly, even with the same parenting style & schedule— this kid doesn’t sleep, eat, and play with others so perfectly. You scratch your head, then find yourself wanting to hid under a bush [the same bush you built out of your own seed sowing of judgmental thoughts]. “What happen?” “I did everything the same” “Maybe this is what happen to so-and-so, that I was so convinced was all her fault.” You swallow a big spoonful of humble pie. Not all children are created equal.

If you practiced #3 above, and you sowed refreshment instead of judgement, this scenario will play out much more kindly.

The thing is, no one really knows but Jesus. No matter what it looks like, we can’t ever be positive it is or isn’t the mother [or fathers fault]. Yes, we can judge a tree by it’s fruit, but we aren’t there 24 hours a day, and we don’t really know all the personal, financial, relational, natural or supernatural elements at play. It’s possible it’s completely the mothers fault, but it’s equally possible it’s not. Who are we to judge and decide?

I suggest, you just wait.

At this very moment, you may feel like you’re the perfect parent and have it all figured out…thus your calling to “help” all the rest of us. However, I offer this wisdom, just wait. It happens to all of us, in one form or another, something will send us crying to Jesus in repentance for judging others so harshly.

Inevitably, something will come along your way that you never expected that will completely humble you in the area of parenting. It may be their first two year old tantrum at the mall, when they pee on their sibling in the backyard during a play date [personal experience], or when your amazing sleeper suddenly decides they no longer are. The list goes on.

No one has it all figured it. Not even you.

Let’s all agree to just help one another in love.

God being our model. Be gentle.

Carry your friends and their children in your heart.

“He tends to his flock like a shepard: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.”

-Isaiah 40:10-12

Filed Under: child training, friends, motherhood

10 Comments

February 8, 2013

Tape Player

My mother gave my oldest son a box of junk from her garage. My husband told my son it was a tape player and tapes go in there. Nation [6] asked me why this tape wasn’t fitting in the tape player. After all, dad said “tapes goes in there”